


Howlers and Love

by AliceWasNotDreaming



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Falling In Love, Hogwarts Fourth Year, Howlers (Harry Potter), Idiots in Love, Kissing, Love Letters, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Yule Ball (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-25 02:05:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17715974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceWasNotDreaming/pseuds/AliceWasNotDreaming
Summary: And, of course, the idiots had to throw themselves at bloody Saint Potter, the blasted Boy Who Lived. Just look at the pile of love letters in front of the prat. Draco longed to tear them apart.Then a sudden, better idea occured to him.He could write his own love letter to Potter instead...(Or: how Draco discovered the perils of writing love letters to your arch-nemesis in a fit of rage)





	Howlers and Love

Harry sat uncomfortably still at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. His friends threw him half-sympathetic, half-amused gazes.

It wasn't even Valentine's Day. Heck, it wasn't _Christmas_ yet. After Harry's triumph in the First Task of the Triwizard Tournament, girls had started gushing over him, and this all came to a head in the face of the Yule Ball three weeks away.

Balls, Harry thought grimly, were when people's true characters were put to the test.

He had received no less than 30 love letters at the breakfast table on that single day.

'Thirty-one,' Ron said, horror, awe and amusement blending in his voice. Harry and Hermione looked up to see another owl swooping down straight at him, depositing a letter with a bright pink envelope into his lap.

'Oh, Merlin's beard,' Harry groaned. Hermione threw him another pitying glance.

***

Blast Potter. Draco should have expected that if anyone could circumvent a dragon against all odds it would be Harry Scarhead Potter.

And he had to do it right before the Yule Ball. When ravenous girls were stalking their prey like bloodhounds, ready to pounce anytime, anywhere.

'Shallow,' Draco hissed with contempt. Potter was good-looking, yes, and famous and dashing and all that nonsense, but that did not mean people had to lose their heads over him. Sensible people would have seen past the exterior into Potter's heart, thereby knowing what a hero-complex-riddled, pompous, pretentious imbecile Potter was.

Alas, Hogwarts was swarming with idiots.

And, of course, the idiots had to throw themselves at bloody Saint Potter, the blasted Boy Who Lived. Just look at the pile of love letters in front of the prat. Draco longed to tear them apart.

Then a sudden, better idea occured to him.

He could write his own love letter to Potter instead...

'Earth to Draco,' Pansy said loudly beside him. She snapped her fingers in front of his face. He glared at her, annoyed at being interrupted in the middle of hatching a brilliant plan that would shame Potter so much he would be too embarrassed to show his hideous face for at least a month.

'You are doing it again,' she huffed.

'Doing what,' he snapped.

'Gaping at Potter with gooey eyes and drool leaking from your wide-open mouth.'

'I am hatching a plan to humiliate him!' he hissed, outraged. 'And what's it with "gooey eyes" and "drool"?'

'Another plan?' Pansy sighed, ignoring the latter half of what he said. She twirled her fork in her hand.

'This is going to work,' Draco promised, excitement rising. 'I am going to send him love letters. I'll pester him until he agrees to meet me, his secret admirer. And then I'll humiliate him in front of the entire school. Clean, simple, perfect. Agreed?'

'Only with one sentence,' Pansy said, staring at him. '"You, his secret admirer."'

'Oh, shut up,' Draco said, rolling his eyes.

***

The next day, Harry's twentieth letter of the morning, in the shape of a heart, arrived amidst the Gryffindors' cheers and catcalls.

Before Harry could open it - or destroy it - the letter floated upwards on its own accord until it was level with Harry's face.

Harry blinked in confusion for a second. Then his eyes widened in dawning horror.

'No-' he gasped.

Too late. The letter burst into flames, and a screeching, high-pitched female voice pierced the entire Great Hall.

'My Darling Harry,

You are the most handsome man I've ever seen! I want to spend a thousand eternities with you! Say yes, dearest, and I am yours forever, heart, body and soul! Oh, great Boy Who Lived with your enchanting emerald eyes, love me as I love you!

Kisses and Hugs,  
Silver, Your Future Wife' 

Ten seconds of absolute silence greeted the end of the rousing speech. And then the entire Hall dissolved into roaring laughter and wolf-whistles.

***

'Come out, mate!'

'No. Never.'

Harry heard Ron sigh outside his firmly-locked cubicle.

'No one's gonna laugh at you,' Ron persuaded.

'I beg your pardon?'

'Alright! Alright! _Everyone_ will laugh at you. But you've got used to it by now, haven't you?'

'Ron, if you have ever received a Howler declaring someone's undying love for you in the most terrifying terms ever, in front of the entire bloody school, you'd know it's an entirely different level of humiliation from having three girls fight over who gets to sit beside you at the Gryffindor table.'

A profound silence greeted his remark. Then Ron ventured, 'Second year. Stolen car. Mum. Breakfast.'

Harry blinked. 'Oh. Right.'

'Open the damn door then, will you!'

***

'Not AGAIN!' Harry roared in frustration as another heart-shaped envelope burst into flames in front of him at the Gryffindor table.

'Dearest, Dearest Harry,

Your hair looks so fantastic. So soft, so artistic, so dark, like the feathers of a majestic black swan. I really really want to sink my fingers into those alluring tendrils, then place a loving kiss on your lovely forehead, right on top of that scar of bravery. Do not despair, my love, you will soon know my identity, and we will be united, body and soul, forevermore!

Yours always,  
Silver, Your One True Love'

***

Harry had taken to skipping breakfast entirely. He also avoided the corridors, because students and sometimes even professors would stare at him, eyeing his 'scar of bravery' and his 'feathers of a majestic black swan', then burst into uncontrollable fits of giggles. He couldn't go near the Common Room either, given that the Weasley twins would start reciting bits of the horrendous love letters whenever they saw him. Basically, Harry couldn't show his face anywhere.

'It will be fine, Harry,' Hermione said for the umpteenth time at the back of the Potions classroom. 'People will forget about it soon enough. They always do.'

'Oh really?' Harry hissed in retort. 'Because-'

'Clearly Mr Potter has taken it into his head that with a fiancee who longs to kiss his "scar of bravery", he can not pay attention at class,' Snape said silkily from across the classroom. 'Fifteen points from Gryffindor.'

'Bloody hell,' Harry cursed as the dungeons echoed with laughter, his cheeks flaming scarlet.

'It will be fine,' Hermione repeated faintly.

'Are you grinning?' Harry demanded.

'No!' Hermione and Ron exclaimed together.

***

This time the letter caught him during lunch.

'Oh My Sun and Stars, My Harry,

I saw that ugly pig of a girl at the corridor who attempted to seduce you yesterday after Charms. I am so touched that you have resisted so valiantly, so firmly, without the slightest hestation, your noble face gentle but determined in the sunlight, for it demonstrates your unchanging loyalty to me. And I swear that I will love only you, too, my love, until the end of time!

Stay true to me always. Take heart, these trying times will soon be behind us, and we will face the world together in the warm glow of the morning rays!

So much love my heart is bursting,  
Silver, Your One-and-only'

***

'Draco! Really! This is getting out of hand,' Pansy chastised as Draco scribbled on a parchment, drafting his next 'love letter'.

'Why,' he said without looking up.

'For one, he'll never agree to meet up with you. You're _frightening_. This plan is doomed to failure.'

'I think not.'

'Why not, you idiot?'

'I will threaten to send an engagement ring to his relatives if he doesn't. In a sweet, innocent, loving way, obviously.'

'Have you gotten an engagement ring already?!'

'Two, actually. Each with a ruby and an emerald, forming a heart.'

Pansy stared.

***

Harry avoided the Great Hall for three days. On the fourth day, he crept down at dinner, towards the end of the feast, planning to grab something to eat and leave immediately. He had barely walked inside when an owl swooped out from behind him and dropped another Howler on his head.

'My Sweet Fiance Harry,

Wonderful news, darling! I have bought our engagement rings already. Meet me tomorrow evening at 7 right outside the Great Hall, and we'll discuss our engagement party together! Or maybe you'd prefer me to owl your relatives to ask for your hand as tradition first? Dear, shy, lovely Harry, do not fear. If you do not show up tomorrow I'll understand, and I'll ask for permission first, like you want. Don't fret, my cupcake, my owl is almost as clever as you and knows where to find your relatives!

Looking forward to our wedding, but before that, our first Yule Ball together!

A Thousand Kisses,  
Silver, Willing To Jump in front of a Moving Hogwarts Express for You'

'That,' Harry gasped, utterly terrified, 'is simply _nasty_.'

***

'We need a plan,' Harry gasped. 'A plan to convince this lunatic, whoever she is, that I'm not interested in her. Bloody hell!' 

Ron shot him a worried look. 'You think she'll really owl your aunt and uncle?'

'I don't know!' Harry groaned.

'What plan?' Hermione asked.

'Listen,' Harry said, sitting up straight. 'I will show up tomorrow, and when the crazy girl comes up to me I'll kiss someone in front of her eyes.'

Ron and Hermione looked at each other.

'One problem,' Hermione said slowly. 'Who are you gonna kiss? Do you have someone in mind?'

Yes, Harry did have someone in mind. 'No,' Harry replied. 'Maybe I can kiss you or Ron.'

'No!' Ron yelped. 'Sorry mate, but I'd rather jump in front of a moving Hogwarts Express!'

'I agree with Ron,' Hermione said drily.

'Then who can I kiss? Neville?' Harry demanded.

'Why can't you just talk with the girl,'  Hermione suggested.

'Talk with her?! Look at the letters, Hermione! Whoever wrote them, she's clearly raving mad! If I try to talk to her she'll probably jump me or something before I can open my mouth!'

'We really can't help you in this, mate. We can't go around asking people if they'd like to kiss you for a show, can we?' Ron huffed.

Harry groaned again. 'What am I gonna do.'

***

'The plan is simple,' Draco told Pansy calmly. 'Potter shows up. We show up and laugh at him for being so gullible as to believe anyone would wanna be within five feet of him, much less _marry_ him. Potter is humiliated. We win.'

'Right,' Pansy said, rolling her eyes. 'It won't be so smooth, Draco. Trust me.'

'Why not?' Draco demanded.

'Because it's _Potter_ , and even if he doesn't hex your eyebrows off in revenge, he's gonna twist the situation somehow so that it's you who's humiliated in the end. It always ends like this.'

'Not this time,' Draco said darkly.

***

Harry stared at the entrance to the Great Hall, sweat pooling in his hands.

Students of all houses were finding excuses to lounge around the entrance, watching him out of the corner of their eyes with barely concealed excitement. Inside the Hall, the students who couldn't find a space outside were packed at the ends of the benches, wanting to be as close to the drama as possible. Even the professors were staring at him with open interest.

And Harry still hadn't found someone to kiss yet.

The clock struck seven. Thrilled murmurs rose up all around him. Harry saw Ron and Hermione, standing right behind him, exchange a grim look.

No one came forward for the first minute. Just when Harry began to hope that the crazy admirer had lost her nerve, he saw a Ravenclaw with silvery blond hair, slightly bulging eyes and a dreamy expression slowly walk towards him.

Harry's terror spiked. He whirled around, looking for anyone to kiss, _anyone_ \- and why did he have to come up with this stupid plan in the first place but it's to late now, damn himself - when he saw Draco Malfoy stalking towards the Great Hall, and thus towards Harry, with his customary smirk.

Harry didn't think. He lunged towards Malfoy, grabbed the front of his robes, and kissed him on the mouth.

When Harry pulled away after a few seconds, the students around him were in an uproar, shouting and screaming. The dreamy girl was looking at him serenely with her head slightly cocked, as if nothing extraordinary had happened. And Draco Malfoy was gaping at him as if he had grown a second head.

So Harry did the only sensible thing. He turned tail and ran.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are more than welcome!!! :) 
> 
> (truth: HUNGRY for comments <3 )


End file.
